Life at 35. Just hang in there !

First things first, when I was younger I never imagined a day that I would be 35. My dreams were always I presume limited to till 30. I would have counted being done with my studies, a career, a family and being settled by the time I was 30. And even if I did think after that it would be what I wanted to do at old age. Never even once I imagined a 35 me. Well then Hello Life! Trust it never to go the way things are planned. Being married at 31 it actually meant a major portion of my life exists in the 30s.

Today when I look back there is one hell of a list of things I learnt in these 35 years of life. I would love to make a list that says "Top 3 things that I learnt at 35" but then I learnt something very early on. I love being lazy. So I just thought of putting together my top 10.

 
             
                           

1. Don't wish for an older self : When I was younger I would always wish for the next stage to happen. In school, I wanted college. In college I wanted a job. In a job I wanted family life. But today all I want is to restart. I really wish I never wished myself away.

2. You can not please everyone : Learnt this may be the hard way during my work days (seems a century ago) but then kept this for anyone who then appeared in my life. Colleagues, bosses, relatives, parents, social media friends, other friends and even to my husband and son. Sorry I cant please you all the time!

3. When you want something open your mouth and ask for it : No one can mind read you, however long they know you for or how much so ever close they are to you. Most of your disappointments in life could have been avoided just by conversation.

4. Look after your body as it's the only one you got : I so wish I had realized this 10 years ago when I just didn't care what I ate or whether I worked out or not. Today when I chase my kid around literally for 12 hours a day I so much wish I was a fitter me.  When I look into my mirror and wish for another me I come to my next learning.

5.  How you dress can change how you feel : I was never really bothered about how I dress till at work place. Slowly I learnt that the way you dress not only projected your personality but also had the power to change your mood. So even today a new dress, sandals or any accessory just gives me that essential boost.

6. Sleep is a luxury : Even when I used to do shifts at work, I loved to sleep. In those care free years I could get back from work and sleep everything away. Work pressure, relationship stress, nagging parents, there was nothing that sleep could not cure. Entering family life with a small kid and a bigger one (my husband) I know that sleep is a luxury. Yawn...

7.  It's ok to love yourself : There are times when I am selfish. I have been occasionally selfish  forever actually. But today I am unapologetic about it. I love my "me" time. I could get up an hour before everyone else, put my kid to sleep earlier at times, make my favourite meal instead of everyone else's demands and not care. I want to love myself and feel that is the only way someone else could love me too.

8.  You can keep a child alive : Yipee! what i thought was an impossible task when I saw my friends entering motherhood now seems possible for me too. And what I learnt after I became a mother, is a totally different post all together. But yes! I am surviving and he is alive and kicking the hell out of me each minute.

9. Your home and parents our your ultimate holiday destination : Plan a million trips around the world, it is always stress at some point or another. But being at your own home with your parents it your ideal holiday. They will still shower you with love, pamper your child and give you all the me time you need. And you get that much needed break from cleaning, washing, cooking and parenting! Yeah, I am selfish!

10. Learn to forgive yourself for your past mistakes : No one is perfect. You could have wronged so many in this past half that you lived on the planet. Forgive yourself and just learn from all those mistakes that you made. Just Chill. 

My experience with Ayurvedic Post Delivery Treatment

Don't we all go through the face where we dislike our parents during our teens but then understand the bigger picture only when we are in our thirties. I guess this is also one of the kind. Those 30 days that I underwent this was pure torture as it seemed then but today three years forward I am thankful for the recovery.

Like most home in Kerala we had a home nurse booked for my post natal care. They are usually well trained in caring for mom and baby after they return from the hospital. And it is during this first month that the by then football ground size uterus shrinks back to its original size. Well does it really get to it is another story all together. Ok let's add a 5 to 10 kg window to it. Ligaments, muscles all work to getting back to normal. Most importantly the mother gets the time to regain some mental stability too.

Well like most moms I was very excited about this royal treatment that would be exclusively for me. And so we started around 8 days after my delivery. I could see the lady heating up water in the traditional way with firewood adding Naalpamaram to it. She used to call me in to bath maybe an hour earlier. This was time for the oil massage with Ksheerabala Tailam. The pressure applied to the joints and muscles during this massage seriously gave you a feeling so heavenly.  After the massage was rest for half an hour. I had actually planned to catch up on reading, online activities or chatting with hubby on phone. But I realised that after the sleepless nights and round the clock breast feeding , all I wanted was to close my eyes and be at peace.

But here ended the fancy ride. When she came in to wash off the tailam I had a shocker. The water was not hot, it was HOTTTTT!!Maybe it was because I had always had bath in cold water through my life, I just could not take it. And she would swing the mug of hot water at my lower abdomen. This it seems shocked the uterus to shrink faster. I would yell on top of my voice and curse too. Hell my c section was not even half this painful. When I got off the bath I felt as if someone had boiled me for lunch. Oh those 30 days ! I still shudder thinking about it .

Today most women go for the lumbar belt but she wanted this too the traditional way. She would tie a cotton saree around my uterus area that was just short of suffocating me. I would cheat once in a while trying to loosen it up but she would redo it through the day. I eventually gave up.The next in line was food. At the hospital all I remember having was black coffee, rusk and rice gruel. After maybe 10 days food returned to rice but with so many restrictions. There was hardly any salt or any spice. Yes lots of black pepper and turmeric to wash out all the waste from inside my poor stomach. And ghee just seemed to be everywhere leaving me feel like a ghee mysore pak at the end of the day!

And the funny part was that I was to be confined to my room. No dining outside, no watching TV ,just rest and rest only.Truthfully I hated those 30 days and just wanted to be over with it. At the end of it was the naming ceremony of my son, my first social contact event after the confinement time. And that was the day I thanked my home nurse. Everyone complimented me on my glowing skin, me returning back to my original me and also exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I was over the moon! I had no pains, no weakness and was up and going in those 30 days. I thanked my lucky stars for giving me the strength to go through the treatment. There were times when I felt I could not take it anymore and wanted to quit. But then took it one day at a time. Today I recommend the same to each and every new mom out there!

Do Children Teach You To Control Your Temper?

When this question is posed, the immediate reaction would be "YES" . Things however have been different for me. Having a child taught me what temper is.

Through my single years ( sigh...that seems like a dream today ) I was known to be a cool cucumber. I bet you would never find one person who said she is hot headed. In the most panic situations at work I always kept my cool, never broke down and loved challenges in my path. Be it managers or my team mates I never lost my temper with anyone. And yeah I was proud of it !

Fast forward a few years to when I got married. I was again riding that bubble. I was calm with my husband. We passed our honeymoon phase with flying colors be it with parents,relatives, in laws,friends, everyone. But then the bubble burst when I became a mom. I was introduced to Mr. Temper in my life.

I found it so difficult to keep my calm. Each day I was faced with situations that made me want to scream, want to walk away, made me think why I don't get it right or why is it that I got such a difficult toddler. Negative thoughts would flood my mind. I knew these were because of his growing need for independence. He would want to do the tiniest of things himself which we would not be able to and the next second would be rolling on the floor , yelling. He didn't want me to do it for him neither would he be able to do it himself. And I would reach the boiling point in minutes.


So now that I knew Mr. Temper has entered my life I knew it's time to show him Who's the boss. I just had to keep him on check. So I think positive. I make myself believe that it's ok as long as I'm trying, learning and wanting to be better. I picture the ideal me . I work to attain it but also keep in mind that it is not realistic to be that way all the time. I am not perfect. So I'm ok with it now.  

New Life,Old Passion

7 years.They flew by. I flew too. From the land of my career and craziness, Bangalore to the sands of the United Arab Emirates.Along that journey came my soul mate and then a little soul who I brought into this world.

Is there something that is the opposite of the 7 year itch?Where you start missing people or things that you loved most in your life after 7 years of being away? Well I don't know if there is . But yes, I missed myself. I missed being on this space where I connected with myself, where I expressed myself, where I penned down memories or where I just wrote what I wanted to, where I was me. Not a wife, not a mommy (ten thousand times a day) , but just me!

So this is an attempt just to get to know the new me. So sure that my thought process would never be the same as 7 years back, my life experiences never the same. Maybe this blog will just turn out to be a space for a stay at home mom to rant out her feelings but it will be me. So well "marhabaan"