Happy Birthday, Mom!!

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Now not that I actually remember birthdays especially because we celebrate birthdays according to star signs. It changes every year to a new date so I lose track.

I asked mom what she got on her birthday (My gifts are usually postponed to the next time I go home!) She started off in the over excited tone. I knew by the tone she was blushing and out of the world. She says Dad surprised her, took her to Malabar Gold and bought her a pair of earrings. He also bought her a new saree.

This is something usual if you ask me. The unusual fact was the love and happiness from my mom’s voice. I wondered firstly, that any day if my mom is presented with gold or saree she will react the same way. I have always seen her like this and it is amazing it never changes with years.

And as usual I admire the togetherness in my parents’ life. They seem to have new chapters in their life every now and then. They still do stuff to make each other feel special and hmm…still do petty fights too!!! They are complete with each other..

Vishu @ home...

So by the end of the week atleast I should post about Vishu. This festival was special to me this year. After 4 years this is the first occasion we celebrated at home. I really did miss my sister being with us.

I had decided much earlier with mom that we were cooking at home and eating at home. These days mom is so used to cooking for two. I just thought she would add me to the routine but she surprised me. She announced she would be cooking for our neighbours as well. We had really not treated them a traditional meal since we shifted to our new home.

Speaking of home it is brand new now. The whole place smells of fresh new paint. All spick spark and clean. I was so happy to see that my father’s dream was now almost complete. The dream he had seen before 15 years, took 7 years to build it, 4 years it was abandoned by us and now after 4 years it was like how he wished it.

Even when I looked at the Vishu Kanni in the early morning...I really didn't know what to wish for...What do I want my whole year to be like...I don't know...I prayed and that's it. I prayed for the happiness of others around me more. That's what I felt like at that moment of time.

Even though we spend our time cribbing about there being no electricity we had a grand meal in the afternoon complete with payasam. It had been ages since I had payasam so you can imagine how much I had!! A Vishu with so many mixed emotions.
I don’t even know if I’ll be here to celebrate the next Vishu along with my parents but I relished the moments I had with them for sure….

Post Vishu blues...

Finally a New Year dawns for us at Kerala and TN as well I guess…My Vishu was really not as bad as I thought it would be.

The gloom that I expected was not there at all. The reason for that is even more sad actually. I had mentioned a 3 of our elderly family members passing away in the past couple of years. I understood this time that our so called joint family stood together only because of these few people. Now no body seems to be interested in coming together, cooking for all and enjoying the festivities. They all seem to be content in just being at home with apna- apna family.

Is this the family I was so proud to be a part of ?When have all of us become so selfish? When my parents ask why should we be the first to initiate, I wonder what the others are saying to justify themselves? So no one coming together meant no one talking. That means no concerns expressed about my marriage.

Now that left me happy but am I really happy? I miss those times where all of us cousins sat together and helped in cooking. We sang songs and pulled each others legs while scrapping coconuts, serving food, cleaning plantain leaves etc. A festival really seemed one.

I had a wonderful Vishu on which I will be updating with all the photographs as well but this was the first thought on my head as soon as I landed in Bangalore.

Mom never retires!!!

Finally mom too retires. Dad has been enjoying his retired life for quite some time now. The fact is he had time at hand when he was working. Now he seems to be totally engaged. His dog, news channels, walks to home, engagements, marriage functions…all seems to have him in it!!! Now mom has also joined him.

I really wonder how life would be for both of them. As it is they keep to be picking up fights for silly reasons all the time…even though solving it in few minutes too. How would life be now?? They have all the time together and all the time to fight…Hmm.. One big lesson I’ve learnt from their fights is never to side any one. The end of the day they are one and I’m kicked out.
I called home to see if there is any difference in mom’s life after the retirement. I was immediately convinced there were none….

Mom: When coming for Vishu get me a saree?
Me : (Thinking this is one of the same old requests) Yeah mom…one for you to wear at home right?
Mom : No one to marriages.
Me : Ok now you will be attending marriage functions in full swing, right?
Mom : Yes…but get one with all that bead and mirror work!!
Me : What???? Mom are you crazy??? You are retired. Your daughters are almost of age to get married and you want one of those fancy sarees. People will laugh at you.
Mom : (immediately retorts) No… everyone now seems to be wearing such ones. I want one like them.
Me : Sigh!! Ok mom…

I give in…My mom will never retire…She will still be 20 forever…Touch Wood!! Love you, ma!!!

Parents - With or Without

My two pence on the topic below. Their expectations from us and vice versa. But then again, this has a lot of dimensions. First of all, I wouldn't even worry about if its the "in" thing to look at your parents wishes. Because parents wishes translate to our principles, the values we were brought up with and its what be believe in. I wouldn't give up or compromise some things in my life. And I have tried not to do things that are not "me" just to fit in. Here is an example.

Maybe their today is our tomorrow. But there are no guarantees in life. Just because we treat our parents well need not necessarily mean our kids are going to be good to us. That will depend on their upbringing, maturity and who they are as individuals. Its a gamble, a roll of dice game.

I am happy with what I am, as a person and of course they played a huge part in that. They can by all means expect things from us but its not completely wrong on our part if we don't meet them 'cuz of who we are. Its a balance between selfishness and compromises I believe :)

Parents....

It's just one of the comments that was left behind on my blog that actually set me thinking. I know I'm a person who actually lives the way my parents want me to....OK let's be a bit more truthful...I try to be how they want me to be at least most of the times. But is that considered as a very "just not happening" thing now a days. I mean let's think both ways.
Why should they not think that way? They spent almost more than half of their lives for us. They earn for us and spend on us as well. Come on, admit it people, the world that we live in today, they have all the choice of not having us at all. So now that they do so much for us is it wrong that they expect something in return as well?
Thinking from our part true it's our life, we are of the age where we can decide what is right for us and what is wrong, we are the ones who have to bear the consequences of our deeds etc....All agreeable and valid points in the never ending debate but I feel life is nothing but a vicious circle. Their today will be our tomorrow. Do we really want a tomorrow where we are ignored by our kids, have no one around us in the last phase of life?? Give it a thought!!
Well I guess Parents are difficult to live with and difficult to live without...So choice is yours...

Home sweet home???

Just returned to Bangalore after 3 days in Kerala. Yeah there was this time home used to be sweet home...My heart used to literally ache to be at home lazing around.This time when I went down I was sitting at home at that evening time when mom had lit the lamp.There was this strange silence that engulfed me from all over.A sudden blank in life. I didn't know what I was doing at that stage.An emptiness as if nothing to do.I swear for a second it was maddening.
Then started the good old marriage proposal talks and I was like Oh No not again??? Why not leave me out of this??? Give me a break people.. Yeah yeah I know I'm 25...have to get married etc etc but hey such an important decision in life...someone give me some time...
Whatever it is I really felt that returning back to this place where I hardly know a few people is much relaxing than living midst all those people who really know me but still don't know me!!!!