Eeeeeeeekkkkkssssssss!!!

It's been a long time I haven't returned to my blog. Yeah, I could reason this too...but well it's my space right!! The reason is very silly according to most people...I missed my weekend!! There were 30 others who were in the same plight but somehow i seem to be affected more than others.

It is always said that whenever we miss something we understand it's importance. I thought we miss people near to us and objects dear to us. I looked forward to weekend most times but never missed them. Last week we had an training program for two days. Both Saturday and Sunday and for 9 hours. Oh no!I have still not recovered from the fact that I did not have a weekend.

I am all cranky at the moment. I feel frustrated. I feel like blasting everyone at small instances. I even feel like taking an off and sitting at home. Don't get the wrong ideas that I have this oh so important work to do in the weekend or out of the world handsome guy i have to meet. Hmm..nothing at all..but I need the weekend to refresh.

I just lay on my bed and think of how I did nothing through out the week. I plan for great things to do during the coming week and then the next week I am back to same square!! but I love it that way. It refreshes me when I think of no work for those 2 days. I am one of those persons who clearly draws the line between personal and professional life. So out of the 9 hours in office, sorry boss I don't think of work!!!

So I am still cranky but then hey ...It's Friday tomorrow. So next Monday a new beginning. I promise myself!!

Confused and bothered!!!

How difficult is it to be difficult from the others? How do you begin when you want to do something that maybe no one has done before? ...

I wonder who made rules that life should be lived like this or like that?

Who said we should work in the day and sleep at night?

Who said we should use money system instead of barter?

Who said children should be in school for the first quarter of their life?

Who said people should get married and then raise the next generation?

I wonder what life was before these so called social norms came into place..The social norms when they were made should have been a revolution on itself, right? How did people start accepting these social norms? What did those people undergo to make this change? Were they accepted or ridiculed in the beginning?

I know all norms are being broken in the 21st century but we hear them as stories across the globe. I wonder how it would me if I had to raise this wave of change? There are many decisions I want to take breaking norms?

Then on a lighter note I do accept norms too. I know there would be chaos if everyone thought the same. But I wish my world could accommodate some changes from my end!!! I hope it would!!!

Puzzled????

How many times have you done something or said something that you think is for good and it has turned out to be the reverse? Well, this could something said maybe just giving it a moment's thought or even after hours and still things go wrong!!! I hate it when that happens. At times I feel there is no need of giving anything a thought at all. When it is concerning people I am not really concerned about..well I should say I don't care(or do I??) But when it is involves people who mean something in my life, I am hurt. More than hurt I am angry at myself thinking why I am so.

Even though empathising, standing in someone else's shoes, all are simple to say, are we able to project ourselves so much that we are able to think what the person in front would react in the situation. I have missed in most occassions frankly. I feel I understand some people but then at times I feel I am with a total stranger. Those scenarios put me off completely. I am not angry at the other person. I am just at dilemma as to why I never understand them.

I am bored!!

I am psyched due to inactivity. This happens once in a while or what the hell it happens every two weeks…When I feel I am not doing anything at all.. I maybe having a nice time, I maybe enjoying myself at office and doing something or another during the weekend still I feel psyched due to inactivity!

This is what having super weekends like the last one to Malpe beach does to me.. You feel such a high at one point of time where you try to cram as much as possible into 24 hours. You try to do as much as possible during those hours that the rest of the week irritates you.

I always have a nice time during weekends. However sometimes I miss work when it is Sunday. I feel like being at work. It’s just the grass is green on the other side effect. I always want opposite of what I am doing at the moment. If I am busy, I want to relax. If I am idle, I want to be busy.

And now I seem to have reached a point blank state of mind where I am not thinking anything at all. I don’t even know what I want. Moreover I don’t know why I am writing all this in the first place..Sigh!! Life goes on…

The Empty Vase

The empty glass vase is a wonder on itself.

The onlooker looks at it. The design so perfect, the curvature so smooth. He admires the artist who molded it with his hands. He looks through the glass vase and sees the other side of the world. It seems as if the vase knows no foul. It is crystal clear in its path. He awes at its pureness. It looks as if this is a masterpiece of The creator.

But the vase believes itself another entity, one that no one else understands. It encompasses within itself a space that no one sees, a hollow that no one penetrates, an emptiness that pains it. It longs for a fullness that completes it. The vase knows that its life is only by chance. It knows that a small shrill could shatter it to a thousand pieces. It knows that a small mistake- intentional or unintentional may reduce it back to its original state. The vase waits- with fear of the end rather than the pleasure of life.

"Waiting for love"

The day comes and then goes,
I’m still waiting for a rose.
I hear your voice in my head,
But your face I see I see not.
Are you looking at the same star,
For a destiny that is not far.
Sometimes I feel you are near,
Coming to face is what you fear.
I wait for you arms to caress me,
And take me through the deep sea.
To watch over me when I sleep,
And wake me up from my sleep.
True love waits,
True love endures.
I shall wait with my arms open,
To engulf you when love happens.

P.S : This is for a collegue of mine who is so desperate "to have someone to look after him". This is in his actual words. Funny because he is just 22 or so and says this. Me at ** have never said this yet!!

Poetry in Hindi (a poor attempt)

ख्यालों से गुज़र्कर कभी वो मेरे दिल पे दस्तक देता है

निगाहे चुराके भी वो मेरे नज़रों मे समाता है

कुछ कहना था शायद उसको

फिर भी होंट है सिले हुए

कदम बडाता है वो धीरे से

पास आता है एक झोंके कि तरह

एक अंगारा सा है सीने मे

फिर भी साँसे हल्के है

ए अजनबी तुम कौन हो .....

Penning anger out!!

Through life I have always had instances to site that money does not bring culture into a person and one such incident happened yet again last week. This is one of those cheap hostel stealing incident and the girl lashing her tongue out to blame the others that her things were missing…

Sad mishaps but the ironic part is this isn’t one of those poor-can’t meet ends damsel. This is a software engineer working for IBM and earning loads. Yeah I know there is some psychological imbalance that explains this status but then I wonder…Hey what the hell??

They have a great mind to think of everything under the sun but this is blamed on habitual stealing or mental imbalance!! Spends several Ks on beauty parlours and grooming but steals loose money left on the table, clothes left for drying and don’t mention what not!!

These are the ones who ridicule others that they have no money and say words with such ease. They make fun of those who save on money eating less, save by traveling by bus rather than auto to travel even less than a kilometer.

I accept there are some who genuinely may have this issue but that does not mean we can let go every one on the same ground!! I have always valued money because I’ve seen all phases of have and have not but never wanted to live beyond capabilities. I am happy as I am!!!

Sorry I freaked out....

I know I really had a bad pout yesterday...Maybe I should have not written all that...But I wanted to pour it out somewhere atleast...Did I feel better after that???Yes it did...I think I did my part of crying in front of the computer itself...

Did it fix the problem??? I don't think it can be ever fixed...These moments will keep coming up..But there was a good thing that emerged from that day....
The comments I got from this person..... who is this me!!!

I have no idea who this is...can't seem to trace this person too...This person not only sympathised with me but also given me a solution... And when I read through his comment and suggestion as follows I thought why not?? Let me give this a try....

tsk tsk, now now, that doesnt really sound like 'life simply rocks' :-) can i suggest something - why dont you get involved with an NGO, and if you are looking for one - http://www.dsfindia.org/

I dont know much about this group myself, and I am not much of an NGO guy myself, but I guess working with one would do you a lot of good and this is someone who I believe is directly involved with DSF -

http://www.orkut.com/Scrapbook.aspx?uid=6363174499451951697
I am saying this because a couple of times when I was really depressed, I happened to visit an orphange with one of my friends and it really was a refreshing experience - to see kids, spend time with them, play with them.

To be honest, never have I felt that life rocks, but you seem to be a very bubbly person in general, except when you have these bouts of depression, I am sure this is just a passing phase. Be assured, things will get better soon.I am not too sure if you should put this comment in the public domain, not that I would mind, but I wonder if it got a little too personal. In case you dont appreciate the whole thing, really sorry about that.

As a foot note I would like to add...I have written to them...Maybe it turns out to be a brilliant idea...Thanks a lot friend...And in case you would reveal your identity to me....I would thank you personally...

Thanks everyone who send me those wishes...
Nagu...I know you will be there...Thanks Jeevy too...I'll always keep this in mind!!!

Me at my worst

I'm at it again...I'm going through one of those stages of depression again. A point in time that reoccurs all the time...Sometimes I think I am content with life. I have a cool job in one of the top MNCs, a 5 digit salary that I don't use at all, the time to myself, nice people around me, all the fun I want to have...everything. But then again...I don't have anything at all...

When I think of what do I have from life till now...nothing at all....what have I got from life...nothing at all...what have I given my life so far...again void...Sometimes I think of it...there is not a single soul in this world who would miss me if I am gone....

I think of my parents...Yes they love me like any other doting parents....but am I an essential component of their life?? No, they life would go on even without me...my sister...she too loves me...but again I am not a part of her sphere of life. Have I made a friend who would miss me by the second....No... Love....was never lucky in that any time...Then what is the purpose of all this...

Why is it that no voice comes out of me even when I cry? Why is it that even in a crowd of many happy people I feel loneliness..an emptiness inside me...Why is it that I sometimes don't even believe in the smile that I put on my face?

I sometimes feel I am an odd person...Someone who is not a part of this world...I feel there is no one in this world who can love me for what I am...Looks....forget it...how much can I comfort myself thinking not evey other person is Aishwarya Rai? I'll never be noticed for my looks...And character or behaviour...do I really have anything like that which would impress anyone...No..

There is nothing in me that is worth anything...Sometimes I feel I live for just the sake of life....Each day passes just for the reason that the sun has to rise and set...How longer will I live this empty life...I only don't know...Will never know...

*******I really don't know why I am sharing this on this space but sometimes I feel there should be something left behind....something that tells the world thatI was here too....

Foot Note : I'm not the only one ....check this.