Saturday, May 12, 2007

Me at my worst

I'm at it again...I'm going through one of those stages of depression again. A point in time that reoccurs all the time...Sometimes I think I am content with life. I have a cool job in one of the top MNCs, a 5 digit salary that I don't use at all, the time to myself, nice people around me, all the fun I want to have...everything. But then again...I don't have anything at all...

When I think of what do I have from life till now...nothing at all....what have I got from life...nothing at all...what have I given my life so far...again void...Sometimes I think of it...there is not a single soul in this world who would miss me if I am gone....

I think of my parents...Yes they love me like any other doting parents....but am I an essential component of their life?? No, they life would go on even without me...my sister...she too loves me...but again I am not a part of her sphere of life. Have I made a friend who would miss me by the second....No... Love....was never lucky in that any time...Then what is the purpose of all this...

Why is it that no voice comes out of me even when I cry? Why is it that even in a crowd of many happy people I feel loneliness..an emptiness inside me...Why is it that I sometimes don't even believe in the smile that I put on my face?

I sometimes feel I am an odd person...Someone who is not a part of this world...I feel there is no one in this world who can love me for what I am...Looks....forget it...how much can I comfort myself thinking not evey other person is Aishwarya Rai? I'll never be noticed for my looks...And character or behaviour...do I really have anything like that which would impress anyone...No..

There is nothing in me that is worth anything...Sometimes I feel I live for just the sake of life....Each day passes just for the reason that the sun has to rise and set...How longer will I live this empty life...I only don't know...Will never know...

*******I really don't know why I am sharing this on this space but sometimes I feel there should be something left behind....something that tells the world thatI was here too....

Foot Note : I'm not the only one ....check this.

8 comments:

me said...

tsk tsk, now now, that doesnt really sound like 'life simply rocks' :-) can i suggest something - why dont you get involved with an NGO, and if you are looking for one - http://www.dsfindia.org/

I dont know much about this group myself, and I am not much of an NGO guy myself, but I guess working with one would do you a lot of good and this is someone who I believe is directly involved with DSF - http://www.orkut.com/Scrapbook.aspx?uid=6363174499451951697

I am saying this because a couple of times when I was really depressed, I happened to visit an orphange with one of my friends and it really was a refreshing experience - to see kids, spend time with them, play with them.


To be honest, never have I felt that life rocks, but you seem to be a very bubbly person in general, except when you have these bouts of depression, I am sure this is just a passing phase. Be assured, things will get better soon.

I am not too sure if you should put this comment in the public domain, not that I would mind, but I wonder if it got a little too personal. In case you dont appreciate the whole thing, really sorry about that.

me said...

you know what, i found this nice little quote right next to your blog - You may not expect all times to be bright and sunny but each second is worth living waiting for that cheerful times!!!

Impressionist said...

Aw. I feel exactly the same!!
hehehe!! I try a lot not to think that way, but somehow i can't stop thinkin hehehe!!
whenever u feel that way just read ur blog title :D
everything's gonna be fine :)

peace & love
JeeVY

amna said...

Vidyachechi,

I know I dont comment much, but I had to this time..

I am coming to Blore this Saturday.. Lets talk..

Just so that you know, everyone has these bouts, not just you. And trust me when I say you have a lot of good qualities in you which people would find very attractive.. I know I have.. you have made many of my days in college beautiful and not many people can say that...

Love you for who you are and I weep your tears with you..

See you da :)

JANE JEYAKUMAR said...

[:)] well, i guess its one of the commonest phase that we got to put up wyd- jus a blank abyss- as though we dint exist at all..

u must read this book called 'veronica decides 2 die'by paulo coelho- a lil'weird book, but the mess it conveys is pretty awesum- it wud do gud 2 u..

usually, bouts like thys suggest tat

a) its tyme u found 'THE MAN'!- but mind u , the ryte 1.. geee.. tat kinda love is a huge healer..

b)But, if u're at a point in life wen its simply not the ryte tyme 4 tat, spend more tyme with frenz n family- make tat extra effort 2 be around them, like havin a bash with them, or simply spendind sum tyme at their homes/wherever.

c) if tat dusn't help gurl, Have a cuppa chris at rantravereflect.blogspot.com ;) i neva miss a marketyn opportunity..

d) but gallllllll, the best of all wud be 2 indulge in URSLF 4 a change- go out by urself- use tat 5 digit sal on urself- splurge on shoppin, wallow in a beauty parlor, slip into beuatiful new shoes, feast urself on new dvd's(muveees do wunders), go 2 an orphonage/old age home- lunch/dine with them( cud treat them tat)- believe me the kinda love they give is awesummmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Tat way u begin 2 have newwwww beginnings, n ur life realllllly gets a meaning... believe me option d) works, even wen a) b) c) fail[:)]

luvvvvvvv ya gal...
hope sm of thys gets u from ur worst 2 ur beshtesttttttttt

sweetheart said...

Aaah! Life in a metro. .watch tat movie! it al tells abt cal cntre life,lonely wife,ppl making quick bucks but lonely n depresed(read my review 2 kno more) . . .i too have done BPojob n made my life miserable. .now happy with a more soul-enrichng job. .wat i feel is take a break n go 4 a job which wld make u happy:-). .p.s-tnks 4 ur cmmnts! hey!everyone is noticing my 4-posts-in-one-day-gimmick! lol!

Ash said...

hai.....am new...just stopped by to see ur blog in jeevy's...am ashh....leave the intro....am not that much experienced as who commented here....am very little speck of a person in this world who believes in faith...

do u know what....u lost faith yaar....just tell me something...how did u get a job in an MNC'S...okay leave that...is that not an achievement at all...

what u say is that self satisfaction is gr8....ya...rite...but u know one thing....its a small story...

when a person is dead...if parents cry..he is a gud son...
if his family cries...he made his mark there...but
if a person who has nothing to do with him cries...he is a creator...

be a creator....just love urself...as "me"...said...u are far better than ppl who leave their parents unnecessarily for money....

DON'T CLOUD YOUR EYES WITH TEARS....COS...THEY WILL MAKE BLIND FROM SEEING THE WORLD IN A +VE MANNER....

just click on to my blog....not for reading my posts but i've a list of NGO's there which can be helped just by a click....have a heart....make a click...

bye...take care...and...most of all LOVE YOUR LIFE...THEN DEFINITELY "LIFE ROCKS"

Anonymous said...

u knw wat..everyone said so right here...so beautiful..:)
just wanna say..at least u rnot alone in feeling this..tk